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Exorcist Diary #177: The Hell of Unforgiveness


Gates of Hell, Rodin, 1880-1890, France


In the midst of the exorcism, K began to cry out, "I can't get out! He won't let me out." I asked, "Who?" She replied, "Baphomet." She added, "He said I had an abortion and the gates of hell are locked."

K had an abortion many years ago and the demons were now using her sin against her. She sobbed saying that the demons were making her feel, emotionally and physically, like she was going through the abortion all over again.

Again and again, her father told her that she was forgiven. He said he loved her and forgave her. I told her that Jesus forgave her and that the Cross of Christ had opened the gates. But, in hell, she could not hear it. She repeatedly said the gates were locked and she could not get out. She was panicking.

When demons manifest, the afflicted person typically feels some of what demons feel and often experiences their dark world. Thus, they experience aspects of being in hell. K was in the hell of facing the devastation of her sin and the hopelessness of feeling beyond God's forgiveness. She was in the abode of the damned.

Both her father and I felt helpless in trying to convince her otherwise. While she was "in hell," we could not. Rather, we had to forge ahead with the session, despite her cries and panic, and cast out the demons as quickly as possible. An exorcism is a very ugly thing.

At the end of the session, K returned to us and the demons were gone, at least temporarily. Her first words were, "I want to go to confession."*

K's experience has something to say to us all. Confess your sins while you still have time. In hell, the time is past.


*K told her father she had confessed the sin previously but wanted to do so again. While confessed sins are truly erased in the sight of God, my experience as an exorcist is that demons observe our past sinful behavior and may taunt us with it, trying to make us believe that we are not forgiven or forgivable. This is yet another demonic lie.

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