Ask Gina: Adolescent Resistance: When Your Teen No Longer Wants to Pray
Q: As the father and spiritual authority over my family, what is the best way to approach my child (13) who is often overly anxious and agitated regarding prayer and most things religious and no longer wishes to participate in prayer or sacraments?
A: As a parent, I empathize with the ache of a parental heart. It is so painful to watch the suffering of our children, especially when it involves them turning away from the true source of healing, the Divine Physician, Jesus Christ. In response, I have several practical suggestions to offer and pray they will illuminate a path forward.
It is always prudent to rule out any natural reasons for this behavior. St. Ignatius of Loyola reminds us that “There are some who attribute nearly any obstacle in their life to the devil but give little attention to one of the devil’s greatest weapons — tricking us into self-deception.” Teenagers these days struggle with negative influences from a myriad of sources, social media, peer pressure, and their own woundedness, to name a few. Be attentive to other areas where this anxiety and agitation show up in your child's life. We all desire to belong and to feel protected, especially in adolescence. Sadly, some teens find this is the wrong place. As parents, let us not be afraid to proactively talk with our children about challenging topics even if it means we may initially be rejected, requiring multiple attempts. Repetition is a masterful tool; when done with attentiveness and love, it can bring about transformation.
Adolescents often have few places to assert their budding independence and sadly choose family prayer and Mass attendance as a place to send a message: "I am in control". Once social/emotional concerns have been ruled out, a conversation expressing your desire and duty, as father or mother, to provide spiritual care for your family can be powerful. There are numerous statistics that support that strong parental witness to the faith significantly increases the probability that the household will follow. Providing firm boundaries by re-issuing an invitation to participate freely, while providing clarity that attendance at Mass is not up for negotiation, can be helpful. The power is not in our hands as parents to release our children from Sunday obligation but rather in the Lord who commands us to keep the Lord’s Day holy.
It is important to bless our children and fervently pray for them. We recently celebrated the feasts of St. Monica and her son St. Augustine, a perfect example of the persevering and fruitful prayer of a parent! St. Ambrose, the mentor of St. Augustine, once told St. Monica, “It is not possible that the son of these tears should perish." God loves our children even more than we do! We must never let fear or hyperresponsibility overtake us, but rather remain confident in the Lord, trusting that our petitions, like St. Monica's tears, will be received and answered in God’s perfect timing.
Finally, we have many resources and prayers on the website and app. A Parent's Prayer is one of my personal favorites and can be found HERE. It is also good to regularly pray for protection over your family and home with deliverance prayers found HERE under Deliverance Prayers for Laity. In the meantime, be assured of our prayers for you and all the families facing this painful reality, and may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. ~Rom 15:13
-Gina Witt
